She sat alone in her chair. Her white hair encircled her frail bony face. She didn’t hear the knock on her door, so I walked over to her and gently touched her shoulder. Ellie looked up and smiled sweetly. Although, her body showed signs of aging since her stroke, her eyes still radiated that same warmth from a heart full of love that she once knew.
There was a time, many years ago, that in her day, she was quite a business woman. She would rise early, briefcase in hand, and golf clubs in the other, to play her early morning golf game on the way to the office. Once home, she worked on the book she was in the process of writing. With papers strewn in a disorderly fashion, she would get right to work, typing her manuscript for the editor’s deadline. She was quite the professional.
Several years after her husband died, she suffered a minor stroke, which seemed to slow her down a bit. Not long after that, she started showing signs of early Dementia. Because she realized she needed some additional help, she moved to an assisted living facility.
From the moment I met her, we had a kindred spirit. We struck up a bond right off. She was the Life of the Party; Always laughing, smiling, praying and loving everyone who stepped a foot in her room. She had a large family. Someone was always there to see her, and Oh, how she loved those grand-babies. Her room was always so cheerful, so light and open. She loved good music. Her furniture was adorned with the many pictures of her wedding, her 50th anniversary, family albums of her kids in their childhood days, and their weddings, and now, her many grandchildren. What a heritage. If only she could remember. Somehow, she had lost her identity. There were so many missing pieces.
Isn’t it funny how for a brief moment, all time seems to stand still? And when you least expect it, the winds of change begin to blow in. The days turned into months and the months turned into years.
I’ll never forget the day I noticed the change in her. It was as if something shifted and the same old Ellie that I had grown to know and love wasn’t the same person any longer. She was walking down the hall with her walker, shoes on the wrong feet, and her blouse on backwards. Her appearance changed from that pristine look to a, somewhat, unkempt appearance. The independence that had always been a special charm to Ellie had been replaced by confusion and fatigue. It was difficult for her to realize what was taking place and how Dementia had impacted her life. For her, the smallest task would become complicated. Just a few days before, she loved to roam the halls and visit with all of her friends, but this particular day, Ellie seemed lost. For the first time, she had forgotten how to get back to her room. After that day, she would sit in the lobby, just waiting; Waiting for me to walk through that door and tell her what day it was, and what time it was. Was it time to get up? Or time to go to bed? Her family didn’t seem to visit anymore. Or did they? Maybe she just couldn’t remember. The highlight of her day had become snack time when they brought her some warm chocolate chip cookies. Because her eyesight and hearing were getting worse, they tried to make her room easier for her to get around in and to find her belongings. Her furniture was reduced to a small chest with five drawers, where her entire life’s belongings were kept. As time went on, Ellie became weaker. The slightest bit of exertion had become a huge effort on her part. She had become so weak that she had to be fed, and carried to the bathroom, and from the chair to her bed. Everyone knew that the end of her life was fast approaching and her days were numbered. I’ll never forget the last time I saw Ellie, she had a special glow on her face. It was as if she could see something that I couldn’t. I gently touched her hand and I whispered a prayer. When praying, I was reminded of a special passage I remembered reading in my bible. It is Isaiah, 46: 4. “ Even to your old age and gray hairs I am he. I am he who will sustain you. I have made you and I will carry you; I will sustain you and I will rescue you.” It was as if she was being carried into the presence of God and there was a peace that filled the room. No matter how badly she felt, her gentle, but strong spirit exuded a magnetic sense of warmth and kindness. For so many, including her family and friends, she was their strength, heart and soul.
I wasn’t there the night Ellie was called home to heaven. A few days later, I returned to work. I was saddened at her death and I was feeling a great loss. That old wheelchair and walker had been flung aside, because she didn’t need them anymore. Heavens gates swung open wide as Heaven’s welcoming committee embraced her. As I reflected on this, I couldn’t help but be happy for her, and almost feel a bit jealous, knowing that she was happier than she had ever been in her life. I couldn’t help but smile, amidst the tear that ran down my cheek. I would see Ellie again one day.
I always thought that I was helping her, but I realized that she had inspired me far more than mere words could ever tell. She touched everyone she met with her love.
A few days later, I opened the door to her room. Everything had already been moved out. The room was completely empty. All that was left were some pieces of broken paint chips on the floor. It seemed so strange. How could this room be so empty and bare? What was once a room full of love, laughter, and memories became a dark empty place that only held meaning to those who could still remember the wonderful exchanges of family, friends, love and laughter that were so much a part of that room. It was all so real and not so long ago. Now all it was to everyone who entered was an empty room.
But to others, especially me, it was so much more. Each one of my residents has a story to tell, of a full life, a loving family and so many wonderful days. If only they could just remember. What was once a full life and a heart full of love and laughter, has been replaced by an emptiness from the fragments of brief memories that seem to fit together like the missing pieces of a jigsaw puzzle. It has taught me to never take a single day for granted, but to live each day to the fullest and love all that I can, FOR ONE DAY THIS COULD BE ME.
I have learned so much from these residents and I love them all so much! Their families have entrusted them into my care. These are their last days of their lives. What an honor and a privilege to have been given this awesome opportunity to be a part of it. I want to make it as good as I possibly can. Even though, they can’t remember, I know one of these days in heaven, when I see them again, they will look me in the eye and thank me.
I have gained a vast measure of wealth from them. The pay is measured by smiles and hugs and the warm satisfaction I get when I walk out of those doors when my shift has ended. They have taught me so much about life and love. I have gained a lifetime of wisdom from them. I have touched so many lives, but, most of all, they have touched mine for all of eternity and inspired me to be a better person!
As we all know, Mother’s Day was a few days ago. I was in the grocery store and I saw Ellie’s son. His face mirrored the sadness he was feeling at the loss of his beautiful mother on this first Mother’s Day without her. I told him I had been thinking of his family and we exchanged kind gestures. Before I left the store, I picked up the biggest bouquet of colorful flowers I could find and I took them to my Mom’s house. I told her how thankful and blessed I am because of her and how her deep faith in a God she has always known and loved has touched my life and so many others. I don’t know what tomorrow will hold, so I will enjoy this day and be thankful; so thinking of Ellie, I grabbed my Mom and we danced around her kitchen and I gave her the biggest hug ever!

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